This comes to you courtesy of Brett, and no, he's not making his own account because what's the point? So here I am taking dictation. :)
He is inviting you to flex your creative muscles to design truly terrible Cure merchandise, i.e. not stuff you would seriously sell. The idea comes from his Dr Who forum, where there is a long-standing thread with the same idea, which has given rise to much laughter amongst Dr Who fans.
Let's begin with something he knocked out a couple of weeks ago, initially for our own private amusement:
A green tea mug for Cure fans
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/the_cure_mug_front.jpg)
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/the_cure_mug_back.jpg)
And he gives you:
The generic Cure concert black souvenir T-shirt signed by all the band members, in black. Impress your friends, and strangers! Comes in sizes: Simon Gallup, Robert Smith, Bono's ego. :-D
(https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fpixel.nymag.com%2Fimgs%2Fdaily%2Fintelligencer%2F2016%2F10%2F13%2Fblack-t-shirt%2F13-black-tshirt-jcrew.w710.h473.2x.jpg&f=1&nofb=1)
You go! :evil:
Cure Eco-Toothbrushes
Toothbrushes to rock your bathroom!
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_toothbrush_pornography_edition.jpg)
Environmentally friendly bamboo that you can whittle, Burn or compost after your toothbrush wears out. Charcoal-infused bristles, now in distinctive styling - because it never was just about hair, it was about an aesthetic.
Dental Health Awareness Poster
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/dental_health_awareness_2003_poster.jpg)
PS: I probably would have just done cute black mops on toothbrushes, but as you can see, my husband has rather different ideas! :lol: ...by the way, I came in halfway through the poster design and he'd used "nudie" toothbrushes in his image, which come in his and hers, with cartoon wedding tackle and cartoon breasts respectively (google it!). At that point the breasts were still on the toothbrush, and the toothbrush head was still normal, and I couldn't stop laughing. Brett said to me, "Well, the breasts are going, because that's just wrong!" It was extra funny because at that point the guitar body was still visible underneath the toothbrush, and it was like a toothbrush - guitar chimera, with cartoon breasts.
Goal achieved: terrible, just terrible! :lol:
But seriously, it looks amazing, just as if it were a real product, well done, I appreciate the design work Brett has put into this! :smth023
Yeah, it's truly hideous. I'd never brush my teeth with something like that, just like I'd never brush my teeth with a live fish. It just feels totally wrong. The face on it - well, you just don't put something like that in your mouth. Whereas what I saw in my mind when we brainstormed it, people might conceivably have used because it was kind of cute. But Brett said, "No, it has to be something so terrible you'd not want to use it!"
The first image is very cleanly done. He just composits stuff from different sources, like doing a collage but the programme allows you to shift, magnify, reduce, change, erase, add all sorts of things. Swapping out the background on the packaging to a piece of album cover was really fast, for example.
The poster is what he calls "rough work" - you can see where he's cut stuff out, there's mistakes on it, hair grows out of space, the date is wrong (for the picture), etc. He says it's because it's just a gag and not meant to be perfect, and that he hopes having some rough work like this would encourage others looking at this to say to themselves, "Well, I can do that too!" and submit something! :)
If you want to see some truly amazing and funny Photoshop work, this is a classic: https://www.designcrowd.com/community/ (what used to be called Worth1000)
Cure Fortune Cookies
Coming soon to a Chinese restaurant near you. Orders for private functions also welcome.
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/fortune_01.jpg)
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/fortune_02.jpg)
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/fortune_03.jpg)
Lovely idea! :beaming-face
...imagine being on a first date with someone, and getting that first cookie! ROFL :lol:
Whereas it would be a more appropriate suggestion for an established couple. :angel
The other two would also be quite interesting to get... (and there's so many more possibilities...) :-D
Simon Gallup Temporary Tattoo Kit
To give you the confidence to play your bass like a pro!
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/tattoos.jpg)
Not generally recommended for professional flautists.
To read why real tattoos are dangerous, see here: https://www.tesd.net/cms/lib/PA01001259/Centricity/Domain/542/Skin%20by%20Roald%20Dahl.pdf (https://www.tesd.net/cms/lib/PA01001259/Centricity/Domain/542/Skin%20by%20Roald%20Dahl.pdf)
Simon Gallup Super-Springy, Cushioned, Orthopaedically Correct Insoles
Makes those nightly 25 mile on-stage jaunts a breeze. Handcrafted with love and German precision engineering.
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/insoles.jpg)
Treat your feet with the care they deserve.
Jason Cooper Electrolyte Kit
The secret behind drumming through Burn and other high-intensity tracks without cramping, so it will definitely cover whatever application you have for it. Dissolve in water. Also dissolves in beer, adding that boutique lemon flavour.
(https://coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/jason_cooper_electrolyte_tablets.jpg)
Available in bulk; as used by professional drummers.
(https://coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/electrolyte_replacer_for_drummers.jpg)
Quote from: SueC on March 01, 2020, 12:52:14The secret behind drumming through Burn and other high-intensity tracks without cramping, so it will definitely cover whatever application you have for it.
Well, actually in the real world... ->
http://curefans.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
:1f635:
OMG,
@Ulrich! :1f629: Looks like an extreme sport...
I didn't know Jason Cooper has a sonic screwdriver! :smth023 Things you learn from this forum! :angel
Jason Cooper Nutrition Hamper
Filled with goodies guaranteed to keep you going, for when you need to snack between meals or before an encore: Camembert, quince paste, crackers, kavli, muesli bars, Lindt chocolate, trail mix, German Lebkuchen, peri peri biltong, dried fruit, preserved olives, fresh Danishes and profiteroles, and more.
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_hamper.jpg)
Mmmmmm. Camembert, Lindt... etc.
(no need for Lebkuchen this time of year though - maybe in September ha ha)! :-D
Yeah, the conceptual problem with this piece of terrible merchandise is that I'd totally buy it. :yum: I've never seen a better hamper - it's all completely delicious, and most of it is nutritionally useful!
Did you eat too much Lebkuchen at Christmas? :lol: ...I always thought of it as "anytime" food. :angel Particularly the chocolate subtype... and Brett is a happy convert to this, as is the case with other nice German bakery items like Brezen, Bienenstich, Nusshörnchen, Schnecken, Apfelstrudel etc.
Roger O'Donnell Edition Tambourine
For playing along to all the Cure tracks not featuring keyboards.
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_tambourine.jpg)
Available in economical bulk packs for school music programmes.
I'm sure Roger will love this, if he ever gets to see it (maybe he'd buy one)! :lol:
XD
Maybe he wouldn't drop that one on the floor... ;) :beaming-face :angel
Beating Ignorance Is The Cure COVID-19 Kit
Item 1 of 5
Be a caring member of your community. Don't be a selfish swine taking more than your fair share of basic resources. Other people have needs too.
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_toilet_rolls.jpg)
Remember, your IQ is 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper at your house.
Item 2 of 5
Wash your hands, people! Soap and water are just as effective as fancy handwashes and sanitisers if you do it properly.
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_soap.jpg)
Don't touch your face unless your hands are properly clean. Especially, don't touch your eyes or lips or pick your nose or stick fingers in your mouth or bite your fingernails, unless you have washed your hands thoroughly beforehand (and not re-contaminated yourself from a dirty tap etc). This is hard to do unless we practice lots and are mindful, because we involuntarily do this loads of times otherwise. This is why some people who aren't coughing or sneezing wear surgical masks anyway - not because ordinary surgical masks protect you properly from aerosolised pathogens (they are better at protecting bystanders from bugs you might sneeze out or cough up), but because it helps people stop absent-mindedly touching their mouths and noses.
Tutorials on effective hand-washing are available on YouTube. 20 seconds minimum is generally recommended (not 17 Seconds, I'm sorry to say) - and wash them as if you've just chopped jalapenos and are planning on putting in some contact lenses next.
Find a little song to sing, time where you get to in 20 seconds, and sing that part every time you wash your hands if necessary. For example, the first four lines of Summertime should be sufficient.
Summertime, and the living is easy
Fish are jumping, and the cotton is high
Oh, your daddy's rich, and your mama's good-looking
So, hush, little baby, don't you cry
Item 3 of 5
Watch this space! We know what's coming, but it takes time to do the graphics!
PS: We know this is naughty, but we also did this with affection. :)
Item 3 of 5
Because wearing a mask should be fun!
(https://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_mask.jpg)
This one is a dual-purpose mask serving both latter-day Cure fans and earlier-day Bowie fans.
Item 4 of 5
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_hand_sanitiser.jpg)
(Brett is on annual leave and got creative today.)
Item 5 of 5
Social Distancing with Simon
Are you fed up with the people who aren't taking this pandemic seriously, and who don't care if they spread their germs all over you? Let Simon help you with social distancing.
(http://www.coulstock.id.au/photos/cure/cure_social_distancing.jpg)
Option 1: A Texas Longhorn cow is a valuable aid to social distancing. Horn spans frequently exceed 2 metres. If you take one of these on your walks around town or country, nobody is going to barge into you, or come within coughing distance of where you are breathing. And while Texas Longhorns are not a dairy breed, they can easily supply enough milk for your household on top of raising their own calf, reducing the necessity for shopping trips into potentially virus-laden indoors spaces.
Option 2: If you live in an apartment, you may not have the space for a Texas Longhorn cow, so why not buy a specially made, completely solid replica bass guitar in signature pink. While you can't play music on it, it still looks pretty cool, and has been especially designed for standing up to repeated impacts if necessary. Replica bass guitar plus average arm length exceeds 2 metres, so if you spin around holding it by the tuning peg end, you should be able to maintain the currently recommended social distancing space around you (or clear a sufficient space if necessary).
Nice one! XD :lol:
In those days before "social distancing", I did not like when people were standing right behind me in a row at the post office, so sometimes I'd hold my parcel to the side of me and stand in a way so that they could not move too close to me. :P
Ah,
@Ulrich, when I went on a working holiday to London in the 90s I was really taken aback at the propensity of the local population to push you off the sidewalk and potentially into the traffic when the streets were crowded, so I went and bought myself an umbrella with a very shiny, very pointy spike on the front, and then carried it under my arm with the spiky end half a metre in front of me, and never had trouble with anyone crowding my space again! :lol:
I really had to laugh when I saw Brett's picture last night of Mr Gallup and the cows... I'd said, "We've got to get this wrapped up and finally do the final part, if we can't do the electric tutu idea or a cattle prod or something, would it be possible for you just to put Simon Gallup next to a Texas Longhorn for me?" So he did. :rofl And he was like, "I don't know why you're laughing, why is this funny? How is this merchandise?" I said, "Let me see what I can do with the text." :lol:
It was very lucky for me that the bass was there as well, that was just coincidence, and it was the wrong colour for my next idea so Brett changed the colour, which he said would probably really take aback Mr Gallup if he ever saw this photo, "Whaaaat have they done to my guitar???" :lol:
Many Photoshop jobs are pretty obvious, but Brett actually made Mr Gallup look incredibly at home in that field of cows. :angel In the source photo, he was leaning up against his mountain bike, so Brett cut him out and propped him up against the cow. :lol: He said he did a bit of a shadow effect in the right places to make it believable. I was called upon to try to hand draw the line for the lead rope with the mouse, because that's hard to do - so I sat there drawing and hitting "undo" a dozen times until it didn't look too wonky. Brett added the nose ring and did the rope effect, which really blew me away - it's so realistic. He gave me a long technical explanation of what tricks he used to do that, but it was complicated...
(Brett also said he was toying with writing "BAD WOLF" on the cow, but decided that was too much work to do convincingly and it was too late at night to try.)
It was so tempting when writing the text to repeatedly say, "Simon says..." but I exercised restraint. :angel Likewise, I had to stop myself from explaining that this was Simon Gallup with his personal herd of Texas Longhorns, the breeding and curating of which was an esoteric hobby of his. You get all sorts of story ideas when confronted with an image like this... :yum:
PS: Brett sends this link for a laugh: https://brucesterling.tumblr.com/post/635591614192107520/il-troll-di-photoshop