What do you think? :smth001
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...
very difficult to generalize.
i guess it would be easy to say "no, because one would only love some kind of an mental image". but isn't that actually always like that, more or less: even when we've met someone, all we have is our impression of this person, which basically is a mental image anyway. surely when we've met the person we can say that our image is stronger and more detailed and probably also less prone for error/misconception. but still... who that other person really is, behind the image we can observe?
can we ever really know...?
Quote from: coxoxi on June 10, 2008, 23:42:22
What do you think? :smth001
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...
It depends of the person. To me it happened once when I was 20. And we had actually a good two years relationship after all. Actually I remember a funny thing about one girl in a party who was flirting to me (long, long time ago). And I said, "Sorry I can't". And she said, "because of the girl you never met in real life?" And I said "Yes". Really, this happened. So yes, it can happen.
No!
My heart still bleeds for ChubbyLustyGirl17
It's a soul-wrecking experience.
or, is it even possible to love anyone at all?
Quote from: dsanchez on June 11, 2008, 00:56:21
It depends of the person. To me it happened once when I was 20. And we had actually a good two years relationship after all. Actually I remember a funny thing about one girl in a party who was flirting to me (long, long time ago). And I said, "Sorry I can't". And she said, "because of the girl you never met in real life?" And I said "Yes". Really, this happened. So yes, it can happen.
This kind of things happened to me also when i was 20. I kind of regret i said no many times and didn't live "real life". Nowadays (i'm 30 now) meeting people i chat with in the internet has become really painful, infact i won't ever do it again.
My answer to this question is : yes. It is about how you define the word "to meet someone", this is not about the definition of love but definition about reality and place where you meet. Love means two people meet in the heart.
Yes, because (for example) there are people who have met on the internet and love each other. In reality - the way i see it - these people have never really met. When someone on the street says to you: "Stop" and someone on the internet says to you: "stop", it is completely different, at least to me.
If I would let myself suck in I could even love someone that doesn't exist and is totally in my head, based upon no one real :roll:.
This deferres very much from person to person I think.
I slipt away a coupla times with people from the internet but it was never REAL love for me, but it could've been if I didn't stop myself.
It is a kind of fantasy for me to have someone whom i could call "the one i never met" or "the result of my dream research" with a bit of sarcasm
Because for every person you meet you can say "you are NOT the one i NEVER met" so...
Quote from: coxoxi on June 10, 2008, 23:42:22
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...
And maybe after the meeting you can be dissapointed, love (if you didnt love this person before) or love more. In my case, I met my wife online. Well, we didn't flirt at the beginning, we were just friends. Then we met in real and started a relationship. I must say again this is perfectly possible.
We all must have in mind how Internet is changing our lifes. If some years the relatiosnhips from people who first met online were uncommon, now is something very normal. Of course, not always is perfect. But nothing is.
Quote from: dsanchez on June 15, 2008, 08:40:10
Quote from: coxoxi on June 10, 2008, 23:42:22
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...
And maybe after the meeting you can be dissapointed, love (if you didnt love this person before) or love more. In my case, I met my wife online. Well, we didn't flirt at the beginning, we were just friends. Then we met in real and started a relationship. I must say again this is perfectly possible.
but i guess that's the difference there:
surely there are an increasing number of people today who have met online and then gotten into a relationship. but it's not like people get married in online environment, without ever meeting each other.
just like you are saying: you were only certain of it after you met your wife, before that you were just friends. but what if you two had not ever met in real life, if you had just continued your contact online? maybe you would have never known then?
i think your experience proves it's possible to meet someone online and then proceed and see if it works, but still the answer to the initial question (= "is it possible to be certain of these things, of your feelings, unless you've really met the other person?") seems to be "no".
Quote from: bluewater on June 14, 2008, 18:14:45
Because for every person you meet you can say "you are NOT the one i NEVER met" so...
exactly.
The answer is healthy to be a "no" when you have already met the person and fallen in love, before meeting it is very usual and healthy to think the answer is "yes", it is kind of fantasy. BUT answer "yes" could be a real crisis in relationship when you suddenly realize the person you are with is NOT the one you never met, and become depressed because of it. This is individual thing and depends on your childhood, for example, if one of your parents has gone "missing" when you were really young you kind of develop this melancholy and always crave for something you haven't met, and it can affect real life relationships as well.
Quote from: bluewater on June 15, 2008, 10:59:26
The answer is healthy to be a "no" when you have already met the person and fallen in love, before meeting it is very usual and healthy to think the answer is "yes", it is kind of fantasy. BUT answer "yes" could be a real crisis in relationship when you suddenly realize the person you are with is NOT the one you never met, and become depressed because of it. This is individual thing and depends on your childhood, for example, if one of your parents has gone "missing" when you were really young you kind of develop this melancholy and always crave for something you haven't met, and it can affect real life relationships as well.
i totally agree with this. childhood losses can create a sense of general "quiet" melancholy. and this is not to be confused with being generally depressed and/or hopeless person, some kind of illness that needed to be cured. it's just a way of looking at the world through the loss you've experienced, something that's always there between your eyes and the object you're looking at.
Quote from: japanesebaby on June 15, 2008, 11:20:14
i totally agree with this. childhood losses can create a sense of general "quiet" melancholy. and this is not to be confused with being generally depressed and/or hopeless person, some kind of illness that needed to be cured. it's just a way of looking at the world through the loss you've experienced, something that's always there between your eyes and the object you're looking at.
Yes and this kind of things has happened to me. I have met the "missing" person but it was too late and i already had started asking the very difficult questions, all related to "can you love someone you have never met". A work in progress. Perhaps the most important thing i have worked on.
Quote from: bluewater on June 15, 2008, 12:35:59
Quote from: japanesebaby on June 15, 2008, 11:20:14
i totally agree with this. childhood losses can create a sense of general "quiet" melancholy. and this is not to be confused with being generally depressed and/or hopeless person, some kind of illness that needed to be cured. it's just a way of looking at the world through the loss you've experienced, something that's always there between your eyes and the object you're looking at.
Yes and this kind of things has happened to me. I have met the "missing" person but it was too late and i already had started asking the very difficult questions, all related to "can you love someone you have never met". A work in progress. Perhaps the most important thing i have worked on.
me too. although in my case the loss was permanent (death of a parent). the awareness of something that cannot be recovered/repaired affects your whole world-view, everything you see and feel. for instance the constant awareness of everything being only temporary is so much stronger than with most people: the bond between a child and a parent is perhaps the strongest bond there can be, and if you have seen that this can fail, then what about everything else? how can other things last if even that one couldn't?
to be able to love his/her parents and to have a chance to show this love is a necessity to a child, any child. and a situation where at best you can only love a distant memory can have very strong effect on your whole life.
a work in progress indeed.
It is father's responsibility to meet child and a bad role-model from father to not meet child at all and not even send a post-card. The child will start to think it is not necessary to meet the lovely people. Or he will start to think the love must be earned by being better and more lovely than what is ever possible.
But for all that love each other i think it is best to say answer this topic's question:
You're the one I never met - before this day
Peace and love :smth023 :smth020