Is it possible to love someone you have never met?

Started by coxoxi, June 10, 2008, 23:42:22

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coxoxi

What do you think? :smth001
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...

japanesebaby

very difficult to generalize.
i guess it would be easy to say "no, because one would only love some kind of an mental image". but isn't that actually always like that, more or less: even when we've met someone, all we have is our impression of this person, which basically is a mental image anyway. surely when we've met the person we can say that  our image is stronger and more detailed and probably also less prone for error/misconception. but still... who that other person really is, behind the image we can observe?
can we ever really know...?

Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine

dsanchez

Quote from: coxoxi on June 10, 2008, 23:42:22
What do you think? :smth001
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...

It depends of the person. To me it happened once when I was 20. And we had actually a good two years relationship after all. Actually I remember a funny thing about one girl in a party who was flirting to me (long, long time ago). And I said, "Sorry I can't". And she said, "because of the girl you never met in real life?" And I said "Yes". Really, this happened. So yes, it can happen.
2023.11.22 Lima
2023.11.27 Montevideo

Janko

No!

My heart still bleeds for ChubbyLustyGirl17

It's a soul-wrecking experience.
Fatter than Bob, balder than Porl, as sober as Simon, as amusing as Jason

japanesebaby

or, is it even possible to love anyone at all?
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine

bluewater

Quote from: dsanchez on June 11, 2008, 00:56:21
It depends of the person. To me it happened once when I was 20. And we had actually a good two years relationship after all. Actually I remember a funny thing about one girl in a party who was flirting to me (long, long time ago). And I said, "Sorry I can't". And she said, "because of the girl you never met in real life?" And I said "Yes". Really, this happened. So yes, it can happen.

This kind of things happened to me also when i was 20. I kind of regret i said no many times and didn't live "real life". Nowadays (i'm 30 now) meeting people i chat with in the internet has become really painful, infact i won't ever do it again.
Life's too short to listen to lossy music

bluewater

My answer to this question is : yes. It is about how you define the word "to meet someone", this is not about the definition of love but definition about reality and place where you meet. Love means two people meet in the heart.

Yes, because (for example) there are people who have met on the internet and love each other. In reality - the way i see it - these people have never really met. When someone on the street says to you: "Stop" and someone on the internet says to you: "stop", it is completely different, at least to me.
Life's too short to listen to lossy music

frog_s

If I would let myself suck in I could even love someone that doesn't exist and is totally in my head, based upon no one real  :roll:.

This deferres very much from person to person I think.

I slipt away a coupla times with people from the internet but it was never REAL love for me, but it could've been if I didn't stop myself.

bluewater

It is a kind of fantasy for me to have someone whom i could call "the one i never met" or "the result of my dream research" with a bit of sarcasm
Life's too short to listen to lossy music

bluewater

Because for every person you meet you can say "you are NOT the one i NEVER met" so...
Life's too short to listen to lossy music

dsanchez

Quote from: coxoxi on June 10, 2008, 23:42:22
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...

And maybe after the meeting you can be dissapointed, love (if you didnt love this person before) or love more. In my case, I met my wife online. Well, we didn't flirt at the beginning, we were just friends. Then we met in real and started a relationship. I must say again this is perfectly possible.

We all must have in mind how Internet is changing our lifes. If some years the relatiosnhips from people who first met online were uncommon, now is something very normal. Of course, not always is perfect. But nothing is.
2023.11.22 Lima
2023.11.27 Montevideo

japanesebaby

Quote from: dsanchez on June 15, 2008, 08:40:10
Quote from: coxoxi on June 10, 2008, 23:42:22
I think you can, but only to a certain extent...

And maybe after the meeting you can be dissapointed, love (if you didnt love this person before) or love more. In my case, I met my wife online. Well, we didn't flirt at the beginning, we were just friends. Then we met in real and started a relationship. I must say again this is perfectly possible.

but i guess that's the difference there:
surely there are an increasing number of people today who have met online and then gotten into a relationship. but it's not like people get married in online environment, without ever meeting each other.
just like you are saying: you were only certain of it after you met your wife, before that you were just friends. but what if you two had not ever met in real life, if you had just continued your contact online? maybe you would have never known then? 
i think your experience proves it's possible to meet someone online and then proceed and see if it works, but still the answer to the initial question (= "is it possible to be certain of these things, of your feelings, unless you've really met the other person?") seems to be "no".



Quote from: bluewater on June 14, 2008, 18:14:45
Because for every person you meet you can say "you are NOT the one i NEVER met" so...

exactly.
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine

bluewater

The answer is healthy to be a "no" when you have already met the person and fallen in love, before meeting it is very usual and healthy to think the answer is "yes", it is kind of fantasy. BUT answer "yes" could be a real crisis in relationship when you suddenly realize the person you are with is NOT the one you never met, and become depressed because of it. This is individual thing and depends on your childhood, for example, if one of your parents has gone "missing" when you were really young you kind of develop this melancholy and always crave for something you haven't met, and it can affect real life relationships as well.
Life's too short to listen to lossy music

japanesebaby

Quote from: bluewater on June 15, 2008, 10:59:26
The answer is healthy to be a "no" when you have already met the person and fallen in love, before meeting it is very usual and healthy to think the answer is "yes", it is kind of fantasy. BUT answer "yes" could be a real crisis in relationship when you suddenly realize the person you are with is NOT the one you never met, and become depressed because of it. This is individual thing and depends on your childhood, for example, if one of your parents has gone "missing" when you were really young you kind of develop this melancholy and always crave for something you haven't met, and it can affect real life relationships as well.

i totally agree with this. childhood losses can create a sense of general "quiet" melancholy. and this is not to be confused with being generally depressed and/or hopeless person, some kind of illness that needed to be cured. it's just a way of looking at the world through the loss you've experienced, something that's always there between your eyes and the object you're looking at.
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine

bluewater

Quote from: japanesebaby on June 15, 2008, 11:20:14
i totally agree with this. childhood losses can create a sense of general "quiet" melancholy. and this is not to be confused with being generally depressed and/or hopeless person, some kind of illness that needed to be cured. it's just a way of looking at the world through the loss you've experienced, something that's always there between your eyes and the object you're looking at.

Yes and this kind of things has happened to me. I have met the "missing" person but it was too late and i already had started asking the very difficult questions, all related to "can you love someone you have never met". A work in progress. Perhaps the most important thing i have worked on.
Life's too short to listen to lossy music