This comes to you courtesy of Brett, and no, he's not making his own account because what's the point? So here I am taking dictation. :)
He is inviting you to flex your creative muscles to design truly terrible Cure merchandise, i.e. not stuff you would seriously sell. The idea comes from his Dr Who forum, where there is a long-standing thread with the same idea, which has given rise to much laughter amongst Dr Who fans.
Let's begin with something he knocked out a couple of weeks ago, initially for our own private amusement:
A green tea mug for Cure fans
And he gives you:
The generic Cure concert black souvenir T-shirt signed by all the band members, in black. Impress your friends, and strangers! Comes in sizes: Simon Gallup, Robert Smith, Bono's ego. :-D
You go! :evil:
Toothbrushes to rock your bathroom!
Environmentally friendly bamboo that you can whittle, Burn or compost after your toothbrush wears out. Charcoal-infused bristles, now in distinctive styling - because it never was just about hair, it was about an aesthetic.
Dental Health Awareness Poster
PS: I probably would have just done cute black mops on toothbrushes, but as you can see, my husband has rather different ideas! :lol: ...by the way, I came in halfway through the poster design and he'd used "nudie" toothbrushes in his image, which come in his and hers, with cartoon wedding tackle and cartoon breasts respectively (google it!). At that point the breasts were still on the toothbrush, and the toothbrush head was still normal, and I couldn't stop laughing. Brett said to me, "Well, the breasts are going, because that's just wrong!" It was extra funny because at that point the guitar body was still visible underneath the toothbrush, and it was like a toothbrush - guitar chimera, with cartoon breasts.
Goal achieved: terrible, just terrible! :lol:
But seriously, it looks amazing, just as if it were a real product, well done, I appreciate the design work Brett has put into this! :smth023
Yeah, it's truly hideous. I'd never brush my teeth with something like that, just like I'd never brush my teeth with a live fish. It just feels totally wrong. The face on it - well, you just don't put something like that in your mouth. Whereas what I saw in my mind when we brainstormed it, people might conceivably have used because it was kind of cute. But Brett said, "No, it has to be something so terrible you'd not want to use it!"
The first image is very cleanly done. He just composits stuff from different sources, like doing a collage but the programme allows you to shift, magnify, reduce, change, erase, add all sorts of things. Swapping out the background on the packaging to a piece of album cover was really fast, for example.
The poster is what he calls "rough work" - you can see where he's cut stuff out, there's mistakes on it, hair grows out of space, the date is wrong (for the picture), etc. He says it's because it's just a gag and not meant to be perfect, and that he hopes having some rough work like this would encourage others looking at this to say to themselves, "Well, I can do that too!" and submit something! :)
If you want to see some truly amazing and funny Photoshop work, this is a classic: https://www.designcrowd.com/community/ (what used to be called Worth1000)
Cure Fortune Cookies
Coming soon to a Chinese restaurant near you. Orders for private functions also welcome.
Lovely idea! :beaming-face
...imagine being on a first date with someone, and getting that first cookie! ROFL :lol:
Whereas it would be a more appropriate suggestion for an established couple. :angel
The other two would also be quite interesting to get... (and there's so many more possibilities...) :-D
Simon Gallup Temporary Tattoo Kit
To give you the confidence to play your bass like a pro!
Not generally recommended for professional flautists.
To read why real tattoos are dangerous, see here: https://www.tesd.net/cms/lib/PA01001259/Centricity/Domain/542/Skin%20by%20Roald%20Dahl.pdf (https://www.tesd.net/cms/lib/PA01001259/Centricity/Domain/542/Skin%20by%20Roald%20Dahl.pdf)
Simon Gallup Super-Springy, Cushioned, Orthopaedically Correct Insoles
Makes those nightly 25 mile on-stage jaunts a breeze. Handcrafted with love and German precision engineering.
Treat your feet with the care they deserve.
Jason Cooper Electrolyte Kit
The secret behind drumming through Burn and other high-intensity tracks without cramping, so it will definitely cover whatever application you have for it. Dissolve in water. Also dissolves in beer, adding that boutique lemon flavour.
Available in bulk; as used by professional drummers.
Quote from: SueC on March 01, 2020, 12:52:14The secret behind drumming through Burn and other high-intensity tracks without cramping, so it will definitely cover whatever application you have for it.
Well, actually in the real world... ->
! :1f629: Looks like an extreme sport...
I didn't know Jason Cooper has a sonic screwdriver! :smth023 Things you learn from this forum! :angel
Jason Cooper Nutrition Hamper
Filled with goodies guaranteed to keep you going, for when you need to snack between meals or before an encore: Camembert, quince paste, crackers, kavli, muesli bars, Lindt chocolate, trail mix, German Lebkuchen, peri peri biltong, dried fruit, preserved olives, fresh Danishes and profiteroles, and more.
Mmmmmm. Camembert, Lindt... etc.
(no need for Lebkuchen this time of year though - maybe in September ha ha)! :-D
Yeah, the conceptual problem with this piece of terrible merchandise is that I'd totally buy it. :yum: I've never seen a better hamper - it's all completely delicious, and most of it is nutritionally useful!
Did you eat too much Lebkuchen at Christmas? :lol: ...I always thought of it as "anytime" food. :angel Particularly the chocolate subtype... and Brett is a happy convert to this, as is the case with other nice German bakery items like Brezen, Bienenstich, Nusshörnchen, Schnecken, Apfelstrudel etc.
Roger O'Donnell Edition Tambourine
For playing along to all the Cure tracks not featuring keyboards.
Available in economical bulk packs for school music programmes.
I'm sure Roger will love this, if he ever gets to see it (maybe he'd buy one)! :lol:
Maybe he wouldn't drop that one on the floor... ;) :beaming-face :angel
Beating Ignorance Is The Cure COVID-19 Kit
Item 1 of 5
Be a caring member of your community. Don't be a selfish swine taking more than your fair share of basic resources. Other people have needs too.
Remember, your IQ is 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper at your house.
Item 2 of 5
Wash your hands, people! Soap and water are just as effective as fancy handwashes and sanitisers if you do it properly.
Don't touch your face unless your hands are properly clean. Especially, don't touch your eyes or lips or pick your nose or stick fingers in your mouth or bite your fingernails, unless you have washed your hands thoroughly beforehand (and not re-contaminated yourself from a dirty tap etc). This is hard to do unless we practice lots and are mindful, because we involuntarily do this loads of times otherwise. This is why some people who aren't coughing or sneezing wear surgical masks anyway - not because ordinary surgical masks protect you properly from aerosolised pathogens (they are better at protecting bystanders from bugs you might sneeze out or cough up), but because it helps people stop absent-mindedly touching their mouths and noses.
Tutorials on effective hand-washing are available on YouTube. 20 seconds minimum is generally recommended (not 17 Seconds, I'm sorry to say) - and wash them as if you've just chopped jalapenos and are planning on putting in some contact lenses next.
Find a little song to sing, time where you get to in 20 seconds, and sing that part every time you wash your hands if necessary. For example, the first four lines of Summertime should be sufficient.
Summertime, and the living is easy
Fish are jumping, and the cotton is high
Oh, your daddy's rich, and your mama's good-looking
So, hush, little baby, don't you cry
Item 3 of 5
Watch this space! We know what's coming, but it takes time to do the graphics!
PS: We know this is naughty, but we also did this with affection. :)
Item 3 of 5
Because wearing a mask should be fun!
This one is a dual-purpose mask serving both latter-day Cure fans and earlier-day Bowie fans.
Item 4 of 5
(Brett is on annual leave and got creative today.)