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Hugging Day

Started by dsanchez, January 21, 2019, 10:12:50

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word_on_a_wing, chemicaloverload and 14 Guests are viewing this topic.

dsanchez

Apparently 21st January is International Hugging Day!

QuoteHugs can instantly boost oxytocin levels, which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger. Go give someone a hug today


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zj_gT6WKPQQ

A virtual hug from me to you cureheads :)
2019.06.08 Dublin
2019.07.04 Novi Sad
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Ulrich

If you say so... ;)
Can't you see I try? Swimming the same deep water as you is hard...

SueC

Would you two guys hug?  Or only if your football team won?  In Australia, men generally only hug if their sports teams win.  I think this is so sad.  In Italy, everyone hugged, and I think that's great.  Why should oxytocin only be available to you if your sports team wins?

I'm actually wondering, is it oxytocin or endorphins?  Because the latter are "feel"-good hormones for social bonding and to make you do healthy things, while oxytocin is involved in orgasm and milk let-down.  But whatever!  ;)
SueC is time travelling

dsanchez

Quote from: SueC on September 15, 2019, 14:12:15Would you two guys hug?  Or only if your football team won?  In Australia, men generally only hug if their sports teams win

I can't believe that. There are universal situations when people two men hug each other and I don't think these are exceptions in Australia?:

- birthdays
- wedding
- job promotion
- birth
- graduation
- seeing someone after long time, etc.
2019.06.08 Dublin
2019.07.04 Novi Sad
2019.07.17 Athens

SueC

Your disbelief suggests things are different in your culture and you've not been to Australia! :)

In Australia, the most observable reason for men hugging remains sport - something I point out to them a lot to get them to think about it, and get interesting feedback from.  Mainstream Anglo background Australian males may not even hug at weddings, graduations, etc - some do, but many don't.  Australian males from Middle Eastern and Mediterranean backgrounds, conversely, are generally huggers both of women and other men, for all sorts of reasons, which is nice!  There are large Middle Eastern and Mediterranean immigrant populations in Sydney and Melbourne, so these guys don't generally get socialised out of hugging each other, but many learn not to hug Anglo men because of their discomfort with it.

When I was a high school student here, I never saw boys hugging each other, and had they tried it, they would have been accused by other boys of being homosexual - it was a very homophobic culture back then; thankfully that's improving. In over 15 years of teaching high schoolers, I never saw boys hug boys openly (not even over sport) - girls hugged all the time.  If I asked my classes about that, boys still said, "People will think I'm gay!" while girls thought boys were alien creatures from another planet.  Boys hugged girls if they could get away with it, but not each other.  Girls just hugged. I've mostly worked in Western Australia, which is a very Anglo-dominant culture, but this was also the case in the schools I taught at in Sydney, even though there were sizeable proportions of Middle Eastern / Mediterranean culture boys there - they weren't in the majority though, and they had learnt not to hug other boys at school for those same reasons.  But, if I went to a social function by Middle Eastern / Mediterranean families, there the men and boys hugged very freely, which was lovely. :)  I'm forever encouraging Anglos to follow suit, but they're very conditioned not to!  It's getting a little better with the younger generations there, but it's slow.

I'm married to an Anglo background man, and in his family, none of the males hugged other males.  They did hug their cats though!  At our wedding, the only man who went around hugging freely was from a Middle Eastern background; he was also the only guy apart from my own husband who came up and hugged me, that whole day!  Being female, and part-Italian at that, I went and hugged all and sundry; generally hugs aren't turned down if a bride offers (or women in general, although there are some people who simply don't like to hug, including females, and you can tell by the body language and don't impose when that happens).

Yesterday, on a hike, we randomly bumped into two good friends whom we'd not seen in over a year.  I hugged both of them, my husband hugged neither.  Mike is from NZ with links to very huggy and demonstrative Maori culture, and will immediately bear hug for all sorts of reasons, but could see the Anglo male present wasn't comfortable and didn't push it.

I met my husband's family half a year after we started going out with each other, and considering how stiff and don't-touch-me they were, including his mother (who took months to warm up to hugging and I had to be the one to offer), I asked him afterwards, "Don't you guys ever hug?"  and the answer was, "Rarely!"  It astonished me because he was very huggy with me, from the start, and is a lovely hugger too - he doesn't crush you, or just "air-hug" either, and he was the first to offer, when we were still just friends.  I said, "So what did you practice on?"  It was probably the cats - although he tells me he just had an innate ability waiting to come out.  :rofl  I ask him why he doesn't hug other people more often (he'll never hug men, including his male friends - I think for him to do that, they'd have to launch themselves at him sobbing after a death so then he couldn't refuse), and he says, "Icky!  No thanks, I'll just hug you."  Cultural conditioning...

As a kid coming from Europe, and especially from my time in Italy, I couldn't fail to notice this about mainstream Australia when I arrived.

Now @dsanchez, your list of "men may hug here" situations from your experience is encouraging, but still far removed from the extent of female hugging.  One day, perhaps, all men might hug as freely as women do, or Middle Easterners / Mediterranean cultures etc do... and not be restrained by their cultural gender conditioning... wouldn't that be nice? :)
SueC is time travelling

dsanchez

Quote from: SueC on September 15, 2019, 23:19:39Your disbelief suggests things are different in your culture and you've not been to Australia! :)

I have lived in 6 different countries and the list I quoted was valid in all of them: Peru, Belgium, Portugal, France, Spain and Slovakia. Really very weird that it does not happen in Australia, I thought the only people trying to keep distance were the Japanese.
2019.06.08 Dublin
2019.07.04 Novi Sad
2019.07.17 Athens

SueC

@word_on_a_wing, you live in Melbourne, right?  Did you grow up there?  You guys have the biggest proportion of "hug culture" immigrants in Australia, I'd love to know if your experience is more huggy than ours out West! :)  How do Melburnian men compare?

I worked in Portland for a while, but not in Melbourne - and Portland was very Anglo.

Tasmaniacs are very Anglo-dominated - from living there for a while!
SueC is time travelling